Indian Summer
We went out gritting our teeth with mingled rage and dejection.
We walked on aimlessly in silence. A taxi offered itself. We climbed into it listlessly and drove back here. We threw ourselves on our beds.
We walked on aimlessly in silence. A taxi offered itself. We climbed into it listlessly and drove back here. We threw ourselves on our beds.
The idea of lunch was disgusting. We were too weak
and too annoyed to do anything. We could not trust
ourselves to speak; we should have quarrelled. I fell into a state of sleepless agony. Our visit to the
studio had burnt itself into my mind.
I reached out my hands for this diary. It has
relieved me to write it down in all this detail.
I found myself on fire with passionate determination to fight H. and C. to a finish; and my hands were tied behind my back, my feet were fettered by a chain and ball. I wouldn’t be made to stop by that beast. We’d get it despite him.
We wouldn’t be treated like children; we’d get as much as we wanted and we’d take it all the time, if it killed us.
I found myself on fire with passionate determination to fight H. and C. to a finish; and my hands were tied behind my back, my feet were fettered by a chain and ball. I wouldn’t be made to stop by that beast. We’d get it despite him.
We wouldn’t be treated like children; we’d get as much as we wanted and we’d take it all the time, if it killed us.
The conflict in myself raged all the afternoon.
Cockie had gone to sleep. He snored and groaned.
He was like one’s idea of a convict. He hadn’t shaved
for two days. My own nails were black. I felt sticky
and clammy all over. I hadn’t dressed myself. I had
thrown my clothes on carelessly.
Cockie woke about dinner-time. We couldn’t go down as we were. We were suddenly stung by the realisation that we were making durselves conspicuous in the hotel. We had a horrible fear of being foun out. They might do something. It was all the worse that we didn’t quite know what. And we felt so helpless, almost too weak to move a finger.
Cockie woke about dinner-time. We couldn’t go down as we were. We were suddenly stung by the realisation that we were making durselves conspicuous in the hotel. We had a horrible fear of being foun out. They might do something. It was all the worse that we didn’t quite know what. And we felt so helpless, almost too weak to move a finger.
Oh, couldn't we find some anywhere I...
My God! what a bit of luck. What a fool I am. There was one packet of H. in the pocket of my travelling dress. We crawled towards each other and shared it. After the long abstention, the effect was miraculous.
Cockie picked himself up almost fiercely. The desperate anguish of our necessity drove him to swift resolute action. He sent for the barber and the waiter. We had the maid pack our things. We paid the bill and left our heavy trunks in the hotel, explaining that we had been called away suddenly on business.
My God! what a bit of luck. What a fool I am. There was one packet of H. in the pocket of my travelling dress. We crawled towards each other and shared it. After the long abstention, the effect was miraculous.
Cockie picked himself up almost fiercely. The desperate anguish of our necessity drove him to swift resolute action. He sent for the barber and the waiter. We had the maid pack our things. We paid the bill and left our heavy trunks in the hotel, explaining that we had been called away suddenly on business.
Underweysung der Messung
Dürer, Nürnberg, 1525